Many of us are perennial caretakers. We seek to manage others’ emotions, expectations, and behaviors. If someone appears upset – or is truly upset – we automatically blame ourselves, assume it has something to do with us, believe that we could have prevented it, and take on the responsibility of making the other person feel better.
Conversely, we often fail to tend to our own emotions, expectations, and behaviors. We numb, dismiss, or distract ourselves from painful or uncomfortable emotions. We turn a blind eye to our own problematic behavior. We expect things from ourselves and others that may not be reasonable or realistic.
In both these scenarios, PEACE* can be an effective remedy.
If someone else is upset, rather than trying to fix it, offer them your PEACE: give them your presence, engagement, affection, calm, and empathy.
If you are upset, give yourself the gift of your own PEACE: give yourself your presence, engagement, affection, calm, and empathy.
I offer my PEACE to myself and others today. I do not get caught up on what this is “supposed” to look like or how to do it the “right” way. I let my PEACE guide the process. I am aware of what the process feels like and what it brings up in myself and others.
* For more about PEACE, reference the work of Daniel Siegel, MD.
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